Writing as Therapy-WA-1

When my dog was going through a really sick period and then eventually died last November, I felt the most sad I had ever felt in my life. I got her about eight or nine years ago. She had been neglected as a young girl and when we got her she was really shy. She was probably the biggest wimp I know but she was also very protective. She was black and white and her name was Cinderella or Cindy (I named her).

When she was going through her rough time it was really strange for me because I felt sadder then when my grandmother died from a rip tied in Guatemala or when any of my other pets had died. She was mixed but mostly spaniel. Her condition was specific for spaniels and often causes them to die young. I was really confused because I didn’t know why this was happening to her. At the very beginning of this process I would just think back to before she was sick and wonder if it was anything I did. I was the first one to notice her change in behavior. She was not eating and she would lye in bed all day. When we first decided to take her to the hospital she couldn’t walk down the steps she was so weak. Her body wasn’t producing enough red blood cells for her to live a normal life.

When she died it was like someone had died in our family. My whole family was crying for hours. It really shocked me to see my brother cry the way he was. I think that probably made it worse for me because I never see him cry. My grandparents were devastated as well because we used to vacation with Cindy down at their house. All I wanted to do was cry with Cindy because that was what I usually did when I cried. Part of me couldn’t imagine that I was crying over a dog. I couldn’t imagine that I had been crying that whole week when the statistics came out about her dying. I really couldn’t imagine who I had actually cried to. I felt like it wasn’t real because I used to cry just from thinking of my dog dying, even when I first got her and now that it was actually happening I couldn’t believe it.

The worst part was seeing how my mom reacted to it. Almost every day for close to a month, I would come home and my mom would have red circles around her eyes from crying. I new that Cindy meant the world to my mom and to see her upset like that was awful. I kept hearing the clicking sounds from Cindy’s paws on the hard wood floor. That sound would drive me insane as well as the sound of her tail hitting the furniture and making a loud thump because it made me think of her whenever I was home. Also, for a long time her hair was everywhere in the house and her smell was on every coach.

Cindy was the best dog we could ever have had and she left a mark on our family that will never be erased. Thinking of her still makes me cry and hear that tapping sound on the floors. I will never forget her.